Weblog
Saturday, 06 October 2007
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Closed.
There will be no more new posts here.
I will be moving to a new place...http://misceloddities.blogspot.com/
Monday, 13 August 2007
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25 Signs That Computers and the Internet Rule Your Life
25 Signs That Computers and the Internet Rule Your Life
by Beatrice Adams, Aug 6, 2007
Do you consider the Internet a basic utility? Do you have friends who know you better by your username than your real name? If somebody told you to “google it,” would you know what he wants you to do? Does your computer rule your life? Here are 25 signs that it does.
- You can't remember the last time you wrote an entire paragraph using a pen and paper.
- You consider Internet a basic utility.
- Between your Internet and your TV, you would rather lose your TV.
- Between your Internet and your phoneline, you would rather lose your phoneline.
- The Internet IS your phoneline.
- You carry a flash drive in your purse or pocket.
- You carry a laptop with you wherever you go-or you wish you could.
- You have a callous on your right wrist, where you rest your hand when you use your mouse.
- Your “diary” is not protected with a lock and key, but with a username and password - and it is open to be read by anybody in the world.
- You've joined an online forum and regularly post messages on it.
- You are - or have been - a member of a Yahoo group.
- You've watched 1,500 orange-clad prisoners dancing “Thriller” on YouTube.
- You know the meaning of the word “google” - and if you don't, you simply Google it.
- When you hear the word “spam,” you don't think of food.
- You've bought and sold things on eBay.
- You've had an online love affair.
- Half your friends only know you by your username.
- The other half know your real name AND your username.
- You've mastered computing the time in several different time zones because of all those online meetings you schedule with your Internet friends.
- You no longer buy greeting cards; you get them free online and send them through email.
- You no longer buy newspapers; your morning news is regularly sent to your inbox.
- You no longer buy calendars; you use the one in your email reader or taskbar.
- If your wall clock suddenly disappeared, you wouldn't miss it very much either.
- You don't keep pictures of your kids in your wallet, but you set them as your wallpaper and screen saver.
- You need a computer to view your children's photos.
Friday, 06 July 2007
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Blonde vs. Lawyer
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks the blonde if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde, who is tired, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay, " the lawyer continues. "Your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references but he can't find an answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress, but he still has no answer.
Frustrated, he e-mails all his friends and coworkers, which turns out to be to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
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14 Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn
14 Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn
by Dave Barry1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
Thursday, 21 June 2007
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You know you’re living in 2007 when…
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played Solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t#9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to.
